When
I was a young man I was sitting in a cafe in, sort of. Ripped jeans
and I had long, longer hair then. And this old man looked at me and
said why are you dressed like that. And I said to him. Well, you
know. Because it's comfortable. And after that we got chatting and he
said. The meaning of life. There's an analogy when they were building
the pyramids. You see the ones at the bottom are huge, sort of, this
big, bigger you'd have to really climb up them. And that's the
beginning of your life. And then the older you get, the higher up you
get, the stones get smaller and smaller until at the top they're sort
of like little steps. And he said the design was meant as an analogy
for life – it gets easier the further along you get.
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Monday, 13 May 2013
The Witch.
In
the 1800's there was this um. A lady and. The monks thought she was a
witch so. Burnt them at the stake and then. Um. She was buried at the
Priory church then she came alive again. And the. Things stared
happening like. Um. When the she went to church the books started
burning and the candles. Stopped working. And then um so. They. They
put her in a glass bottle and buried her in the Priory church and now
she's there. So you need to. Well no-one's found the bottle yet but
there. Um. So you need to be. Um. 'Cause you. 'Cause her spirit will
open. Yeah.
Friday, 10 May 2013
Brixton.
I'll
tell you the story of how I was conned in the street in Brixton. Yes.
So I was errr I guess I was still new in town. And errr. I was coming
back home from a night, night out. Walking back from Brixton and err
I think I was was feeling quite err pleased with myself 'cause
earlier on there was a bit of an incident, where this boy was very
unhappy and I managed to talk him out of erm star-starting a fight.
So I thought I was all very streetwise and in err in business. And
these guys stopped me it was about three or four o'clock in the
morning and he stopped me and he asked me if I had some 50p coins
'cause he needed 50p coins and he he he could give me the money in
pound coins and he showed me his pound coins, and as I was. Taking my
wallet out I thought that's a bit weird this was before mobile phones
but still you'd use 20ps for the phone, telephones not. 50ps anyway
but he was asking and I was looking and I had some 50p coins and I
gave them to him and then he said erm. Thank you. And put them in his
pocket. I said can I have your pound coins instead and he said no I'm
not giving them to you and I said what do you mean, you said you
would. And he said I conned you. I'm not. That's my money now and I
said that's not your money, it's my money, and you said you were
going to give me these three pound coins that you said. Errr. And he
said do you not understand? That's it, I conned you. And if you ask
for it I'm gonna slash your throat and he threatened to take his
knife out. And I was er a little bit afraid at that point. actually.
He was quite a big guy. But also I somehow didn't think that he was
going to pull a knife out. And I. Also thought it probably not a good
idea to check. So there was this strange situation where I stood, I
still stood next to him and. Still. Thought that I-I. Couldn't just
let it go and walk away. And err I said one more time that I don't
understand how he could do that and I-I. Took a cigarette out and he
asked me if he could have one and this, this strange situation where
we then shared a cigarette and a little chat, and I think even a
little, a-a, a little drink that I had in my flask and err. After a
few minutes erm I-I though well ok, it's time to go now and I said
before I left uhm. So do you think I'll be fine walking all the way
from here to Camberwell now at this time you know and he said yes yes
you'll be alright, don't worry, but you know that ten pounds that I
saw in your pocket, keep it hidden. That's the story of how I was
conned.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Nan.
Because
we can sit downstairs and there'll be noone else in the house and
there'll be doors shutting and people running up and down the stairs
and people knocking on the wall and. Constantly. Oh yeah and I get
poked quite a lot. No, it makes me feel really calm. It's usually when.
Something's gonna go wrong. Not a a massive thing but, something,
might go wrong, there's normally people around me the night before.
And I feel really really. Unusually calm. Kind of ready for.
Whatever's gonna happen I can't explain it. Uhm. What happened
before? Oh one day we had three things happen the dog got away, the
kitchen completely flooded. From the dishwasher and it ruined the
couch as well, but I laughed. I don't know why I was almost prepared
for it. Oh and like we thought it was my daughter as well actually
and um. I came home and it all went on again I don't know, even know
what it was that time, like people up and down the stairs if I shout
can you go away 'cause I've had enough, it stops. But sometimes I
just leave them and they just run about the house whoever they are, I
don't know who they are. And light bulbs explode. I don't want it
investigated I just let it carry on yeah yeah more than they can stay
wherever they want it doesn't bother me. I'm not frightened of them.
I think it's my Nan. I think, I just, I don't know why. It's just a
feeling I get when they're around it's just the same kind of feeling
I got when my Nan was around so. I'm not scared. At all. They can
stay. More can come if they like. I don't mind.
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Imogen (A Story And A Song)
This
is a folk story from. India. And. It's called. A Story and A Song.
And it's about a woman who knew a story and a song and this is why I
think it could be relevant because it's about. Anyway she knew a
story and a song. She hadn't told them for such a long time and
they'd become. Buried in... side her. And. This woman lived with her
husband and one night she'd gone to sleep and her husband had gone
out to work. And the story and the song that were buried inside her
decided that because they hadn't been told for such a long time they
were going to come out of her and take revenge on her. So they did as
she was sleeping this this story came out of her and became a pair of
in the shape of a pair of men's shoes and went to stay by the door.
And the song came out in the shape of a man's coat and it went to
stay by the door. And the woman stayed sleeping she didn't know about
any of this. So when the man came home he saw he saw the. Shoes and
the coat by the door and he said to her, who's coat and shoes are
these he said she said I don't know, they're nothing to do with me.
And he didn't believe her so he got angry with her and they had an
argument, and he accused her of being unfaithful to him. And she felt
very sad and he left for the night and he went to the tree in the uh
in the village. And in that tree in that village at night when
everybody goes to sleep the lanterns leave their homes, go, and make
their way to the tree to sleep. And when they get there they tell
stories and they gossip and erm. On that particular night their, the
lantern from their house was late because they'd had an argument he'd
been up late so he couldn't leave until much later so eventually when
he got to the tree the other lanterns said to him why are you so
late. And he said oh there's been an argument in the house and the.
Other lanterns said why and he said. Because. The woman knew a story
and a song but she hadn't told them for so long that she'd forgotten
them and they decided to take revenge and they came out of her in the
shape of a pair of shoes and a coat and they went to hang themselves
by the door so when the husband came home he saw them and he was
angry with his wife and he accused her although she didn't know
anything about it he said she'd been unfaithful. And. The man was
sleeping at the trees and he heard all this. And he realised she
hasn't been unfaithful so he rushed home and he went to her, his wife
and he said I'm sorry I know you haven't been unfaithful I know what
these, these things are tell me your stories sing me your song. And
she couldn't because she'd forgotten them. They'd left her forever.
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
Joseph
Ok.
Hi. Uhm. I got a story to tell. It's. Kind of a. Uh. Well it's a bit
historic. I can kind of make it up so here we go err. Once upon a
time there there is there was a castle uh. And there was a little boy
who. Err. He liked to sneak into the castle from like the. Town, he
used to like sneak into the castle. And one day he sneaked into the
castle and he saw a hole and he said. That's odd, I don't remember
that being here. And then. After that. He went down. And he found.
This huge. This book. This. Err. Terrible. Large book it was about
this big. And uh it. Was. And then he decided to take it home he.
Lifted it as haaaard as he could 'cause he was only little. All the
way to home and he read. The whole book. It taught him everything,
all the secret passages in the castle. And then one time he was he
counted all the secret passages and he got quite rich 'cause there
was quite a bit of money and he went to the last one. And he found a
tunnel. And through the tunnel he saw. A whole new world. And then he
walked into it and went through all the bushes and. He found.
Another castle. And. There was. Kind of. It was kind of for the king
when he goes on relaxing time. And somebody and then somebody said
what are you doing here you don't look like you're from this world.
He said he was looki- he was interested in what was. The castle. And
stuff. And he told a story. And he was took to the castle as the
bravest lad. And then. he. He took. His parents there. And they
became respected people. Because. When he grew up he defeated a
dragon that burdened the land. And so. He took. So. He tried hard.
Harder. And made the world into another world. But then. it. The
world was still seen. Up until World War Two. When. The bombs
started. And err. Well. It was a historic place at the time and all
of that had been blocked out nobody could go there because nobody
knew of it and the person who went in there was a child he was in
there. For ages he was he he he even if he was there the same night
he was eighty now and then it was 'til. He was. And then the war came
and err bombs dropped. Down and blew the place up so absolutely
nobody could get in. but then later nowadays. Somebody dug it up and.
Dug and dug with a good excavation team. And then he found. The land
again. And went down. The staircase. And the king had died by then.
He became the new king. Of the land. And he introduced this world to
that world and mixed them together to create. A secret world. But
that. But that. But then. The people. Of that world. Disappeared out
of that world. And that's where all the disappearing people go to.
Yeah.
Thursday, 2 May 2013
The Cypriot (name witheld)
1975.
I was in the army in Cyprus. And. We had. Just been. Asked to leave
the army camp by our superiors and go back to our villages. And to
our towns. And the reason for this was that ah we couldn't do
anything about the invasion of the Turkish army. Ah. We couldn't stop
them taking half the island but we could try and stop them taking
our, our towns. So I went back with fifteen other chaps who. Were
also from our town. And we got into the town and, and the next day
ahm the Turkish army was advancing towards it and this is a town very
near to Nicosia, the capital city. And at, and the Turkish army was
well....organised and tanks and pretty much everything ahm. We. On
the other hand. Were just. With our army gear really. Rifles, machine
guns, pretty much that was it, few grenades. And we had to hold our
town. So in order for the Turkish army not to take the town. What we
did was set up four posts to one side of the town which is the only
way that the army could come in and we would fire all the time.
Constantly at the, uh at the army and this is. Not firing close range
this is firing probably half a mile to three quarters of a mile away.
So as for them not to know who we were. Ahm. How many of us there
was. And in the evening, my what I thought I would do would. Turned
out to be a good idea. we. Myself and another guy had ripped off an
exhaust off a car. Uhm. And got the people to that owned the car to
drive it up and down the road. And we did that to three different
cars in three different parts of the town. And at night. The town is
actually surrounded by fields, it's a very small town it's, it's
almost a big village and at night that noise travels. And there's no
street lights. And the lights were all out in the centre of the town
as well. It sounded like we had tanks in the town. The next day. The
army moved on. And went around our, our town and took the foll-, ah
took the village that was about two miles away from us. So we
actually sa- saved the town. It's a true story. I've got better ones
than that.
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